I remember hearing a Focus on the Family show on the radio in the background while my siblings and I were getting ready for school one morning long ago. They were talking about something that didn't make sense to me. A man was sharing how he used to be attracted to other men. I was still learning how to accept the fact that girls didn't have cooties and that it was okay to be attracted to them. So, the idea of men 'liking' men was just too strange a concept for me not to ask for clarification. And that is what I did. I asked my Conservative Baptist Evangelical mom to explain what was being discussed on the show. I don't remember the details of the conversation (paying attention was a very difficult discipline for me as a child and something on which I still work), but I do remember walking away from the conversation with the idea that God loved men who 'liked' other men, and therefore, we are to love them too. I don't remember her condoning or condemning the lifestyle, but instead, emphasizing that I treat those who live it with the same respect and kindness I show others. This conversation had a very strong impression on me as a child.
My mother has never made a derogatory comment about gay people for as long as I've known her. Her religious beliefs restrict her from viewing the lifestyle as acceptable before God, but she is reluctant to condemn the LGBT community as having obtained a special place of judgement with God. This is only one reason why I am not led toward the hate mongering against the LGBT community that is associated with people like Rick Santorum, Kirk Cameron and many others of the religious right. I wasn't brought up to hate them!
My father's attitude toward the LGBT community also had an impact on me. I remember listening to him talk to other men within our Christian community about how he was to address the issue of homosexuality on the pulpit. My father is a Baptist preacher, so he didn't have the freedom to express the concept of showing love and kindness to the LGBT without the criticism of others within our conservative Christian circle. The other men gave approval to use derogatory comments about the LGBT community while preaching. I can't remember the outcome, but a sense of uneasiness from him is vaguely remembered.
I don't remember him ever ranting about the LGBT as if they were somehow worst sinners than everyone else. But I do remember him showing genuine compassion and kindness to transgender people. Once my father had taken me to a cafe which had live music. We went when a transgender person was performing, playing some amazing classical guitar. I remember sharing with my father how I appreciated the music, but that the person made me uncomfortable. He shared his disapproval of my comments, as well he should have, by asking me in rhetorical fashion if I thought it was because the person would somehow violate me. He was trying to explain to me how ridiculous I was thinking that way. My father treats everyone with kindness and respect, and if that individual is gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, it made no difference to him then or now.
I also remember watching a documentary with my father on PBS. The documentary showed the struggle of discrimination, prejudice and hatred that gay men face when they live openly gay lifestyles. I don't recall the arrangement; whether he wanted me to watch it, or if he just left it on hoping I would join the viewing. But he exposed me to this documentary which communicated a civil view on the matter. This left an imprint on me so that I knew the terrible realities through which gay men had to live. In addition to exposure to documentaries was that of pop culture. He was intentional about me viewing the movie Philadelphia. In this movie Tom Hanks is a character who seeks legal assistance from the character played by Denzel Washington. The theme of the movie aims at giving a defense for the LGBT community in our legal system. By exposing me to this content, my father desired to raise me in such a way so that I wouldn't have a hatred toward those in the LGBT community.
There were events in my life in which I strayed from the counsel and attitude toward LGBT people that my parents tried to instill in me. However, I never felt a sense of deeply, 'divinely justified' hatred toward them. I remember a Christian man sharing with me an experience he had at a Promise Keepers event. He shared how a man leading a class was teaching them that it was okay to feel like they "wanted to punch a homosexual in the face, because that is the way God felt." I couldn't connect. Recently, another Christian man shared how he believed that if a literal implementation of the law of the Old testament existed in our society, nobody would want to be gay. I couldn't connect. However, I could connect with a friend who recently told me that grace is the appropriate response for Christians toward those who are LGBT. And I could connect with a pastor who once shared with me how we are to love them into the Kingdom of heaven. Both were leaders within a local evangelical community in Denver.
My parents never explicitly condoned the lifestyle of those in the LGBT community and they do believe that God has left instruction to restrict marriage to that between male and female. But, they never condoned hatred and violence toward the LGBT community. In fact, their attitude toward LGBT people and the information which they shared with me has instilled a conviction that those who misapply the Bible to justify such attitudes and actions are actually working against God's will for His people. I am grateful for the precedent that my parents set in my life with regards to interacting with people who are different from me.
This posting was not an argument to defend and instruct Christians in an attitude of love and acceptance toward LGBT people, but to simply share my upbringing and how it has affected me. I also hope that those in the LGBT community find comfort in the fact that not all conservative Christians hate them, and that there are even conservative evangelical Christians who have raised, and are raising a new generation who will share with them the love of Jesus of Nazareth.
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